


Promises and Penance

by CaremKefo



Series: Episode Codas [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode: s08e08 Hunteri Heroici, Gen, Guilt, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-23 16:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/928691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaremKefo/pseuds/CaremKefo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Dean pushes Castiel to talk about how he's really feeling, he doesn't like what he hears and doesn't know how to deal with it. He can't talk to Sam about it, so brings the subject up with Cas again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises and Penance

**Author's Note:**

> Set after Season 8 Episode 8, 'Hunteri Heroici'.

Dean doesn't tell Sam what Castiel had told him – partly because it isn't his place to tell him, but also because if he does it will make it real. And Dean isn't able to accept that Castiel could be so… _human_. So the first chance he gets to talk to Cas on his own, he takes.

* * *

"Cas? Promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise me."

"I can't promise anything, until you tell me what it is."

Dean's hand reaches out and grabs Castiel's wrist tightly. "Don't ever kill yourself."

Castiel's brow furrows, and a pained expression haunts his face as he cocks his head to the side and looks, really _looks_ at Dean. His eyes narrow as they take in the desperation and the pain and the _fear_ that he hides from everyone, but can never hide from the angel who raised him out of Hell.

"I've lost you too many times already, Cas – _please_ don't make me lose you again."

"I don't think I'm strong enough to live with everything I've done, Dean," he says quietly, and it is almost an apology.

Dean's hand, which hasn't moved from Castiel's wrist, grips him tighter. "You're _stronger_ than me, Cas."

 _And if you're not strong enough, then what chance have I got?_ Castiel hears Dean's unspoken words.

"Dean…"

"Cas," Dean tries, "you said that you chose to stay in Purgatory because you needed to do penance. But you're not there any more – you're _here_. Now that doesn't mean you can't still make up for it, but if you kill yourself then you never will."

"So my guilt is a part of my punishment," he says slowly, beginning to understand where Dean is coming from.

"Yeah," Dean agrees, glad he's starting to get through to his angel. But he's not prepared for what Castiel says next.

"But then what are _you_ punishing yourself for?"


End file.
